Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just pee around me
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
