I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
