okay pat passed out under dana's car
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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