It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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