One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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