we're blogging at a bar
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Randomize