When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
