If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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