I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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