She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
