basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
