Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
