you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize