He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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