Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
