dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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