Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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