after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Randomize
