No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
