I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
