they need to just BURY HIM!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
