Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
