Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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