I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize