The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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