Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
