DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
