He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
