i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
