dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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