forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Are we still banned from the library?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
