Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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