i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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