I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
