I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just gift wrapped bread.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize