is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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