The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
