$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
