i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
