So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
