They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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