I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
