help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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