I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
