Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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