Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
