Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize