He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
