party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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