So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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