can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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