Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
