I just pynch a tree in the face
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
