'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
