your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Randomize
