hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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