I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
