R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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