I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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