perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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