My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
