You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize