shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
