Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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