i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
its liver damage thursday
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
